Red Queen book review

So, I haven't written a book review in quite some time. We will see  how this goes.  The book summary is shared below:

"The poverty stricken Reds are commoners, living under the rule of the Silvers, elite warriors with god-like powers.

To Mare Barrow, a 17-year-old Red girl from The Stilts, it looks like nothing will ever change.

Mare finds herself working in the Silver Palace, at the centre of
those she hates the most. She quickly discovers that, despite her red blood, she possesses a deadly power of her own. One that threatens to destroy Silver control.

But power is a dangerous game. And in this world divided by blood, who will win? "

I have been in a reading slump for a while. Nothing seems interesting to me as of lately, because I feel like it's the same story over and over, with different characters.  This slump is most likely caused by my binge of romantic novels. I love them, but they can get old and I need breaks. Unfortunately, I have mostly romance books on my kindle.  When this popped up in my suggested  reads on goodreads, I decided to check it out. 


I found Mare to be a likable character, but naive. She's a thief with a strong sense of loyalty to family and friends, who will do anything, be anyone, to keep them safe. Just when things get bumpy, she is offered a position at the palace, working for Silvers, the people that she despises. Upon taking the position, she discovers that she, a Red, has powers. This is unheard of as Silvers are the high class and are the only ones who can posses powers. Mare shakes things up and gains friends, as well as enemies, that she thought she would never have. She learns that there are more to people than just a class. 

I loved this book and gave it 5 stars because it was a page turner for me. I read it in hours and risked my beauty sleep for it. It was refreshing to read a story that wasn't focused wholly on romance. There are snippets of it, but they are minimal. 

That being said, I did find many parts very predictable. I was able to tell ahead what would take place, based off of various hints here and there. Some may like that, but I prefer shock factor instead. It was a riveting story that had pieces that reminded me of Hunger Games, Red is Rising, and Graceling - All excellent books in my opinion. If you are looking for a fast paced fantasy novel, look no further than Red Queen.

Curve Ball

Well, life has thrown a curve ball.... So let's rewind to June 10, 2015.

The News

We had just gotten home from a 9 hour drive from Destin, Florida. It was a wonderful vacation that Blake actually got to go to. We were unpacking our bags when I had a call from my Gynecologist office. I answered it, thinking that they were going to remind me to schedule a follow-up appointment from the hysteroscopy and D&C that I had done May 21. The call that I received was anything but what I was expected.
"Mrs. Balsano, we received your pathology results and we need you to come in now if you can."
Stunned, I said that she was scaring me and could she please tell me what is going on.
"Well, your pathology results came back showing a tumor that looks like it could be cancer. We need you to come in so that we can refer you to an oncologist immediately."
I told her I would be right there. I hung up the phone and asked Blake to come into the bedroom with me, the kids were in the living room. He came in and was like what's going on? I looked at him and busted out crying, choking out that the nurse had called and that they think I have cancer and they told me to come in immediately. Blake hugged me while I cried in disbelief and said okay, let's go, I'll drive.
Luckily my nephew, Cameron, was here so we left the kids with him and went to the dr. The entire car ride Blake held my hand and told me it was going to be okay. We walked into the dr's office and signed in and waited. We waited for 15 minutes, but it felt like an hour. My Dr finally came into the room, after what felt like an eternity, and went over the pathology report with me.
"Okay, your tissue sample was first looked over by the hospital lab, but they felt that something didn't seem right, so they sent it to mayo clinic for a review, so that's why it took so long for this to come in.  You have a tumor, the report doesn't state if it is benign or malignant, but the worst case scenario - you'll need a hysterectomy."
He patted my hand and told me that he was referring me to an oncologist gyno at MD Anderson.

A week later, I received a call from the Dr at MD Anderson's office. It took longer than usual to get in because Houston had flooded recently and the building that their office is in had flooded.

Consultation

On June 18, me and Blake made our way to the oncologist office. I was so nervous that I was sweating. When the Dr came in, my cheeks were burning hot because of how anxious I was feeling.
She explained to me that the Mayo Clinic report showed that I had an extremely rare tumor called an inflammatory myofibroblastic tumor, which is more or less a soft tissue tumor.  She said that because of it's rarity that she wanted MD Anderson labs to get a sample of the tissue for a second opinion.

 I understood her need for this and kind of expected it, but I hated that I would have to wait even longer to understand what was happening inside of my body. I did a ton of google research on the tumor that I may or may not have. Unfortunately it seems that there are many unknowns about this tumor so I couldn't get a good understanding about it. As I waited, I started to become hopeful that the Mayo Clinic was wrong.

Final Results

August 7 I finally went in for my final results. MD Anderson had found the same findings as Mayo Clinic. I had this rare tumor that was neither benign nor malignant, it was in-between. She explained that in all studies of this tumor, when it turns malignant it becomes extremely aggressive. She said that she did not want to take that chance with me and that I would need a total hysterectomy (removal of uterus and cervix) and fallopian tube removal. She said that they are finding that ovarian cancer starts in the tubes and that taking those would lower my risk for that. She wanted to leave both of my ovaries so that I would not go into menopause at the age of 29. I asked if she could remove the left one since I generally have pain on that side. She agreed that if it looked bad, she would take that one, as well as the right, if it too looked bad. Fortunately, no lymph nodes would need to be removed.

Grieving and Fear

I cried and felt a great loss. I have known for a while that I would probably not be having anymore kids because mine are already 11 and almost 10. However, lately I had been questioning if I would want more kids in my 30's. We had ours so young and they were not planned. I wondered what it would be like to have a baby while being financially stable, planned, and older. We were not financially stable when we had Tristen & Bonnie, hell, we still lived with our parents. I had mentioned it to my husband about possible future kids, but he had told me that he did not want anymore.You see, we had planned for him to get a vasectomy when I got my IUD out. I had it taken out in October 2014 during a laparoscopy. It had made me feel sad that he would not want anymore, and I questioned myself as to why I felt sad about this if I didn't want anymore? Did I want another baby? Could I deal with starting all over? Would that take away from giving Bonnie and Tristen everything that we could financially?

Fate took the decision to have anymore kids away from me. I grieved for something I had never even decided. I felt a deep loss over the choice of having anymore kids being taken away from me. I wasn't even sure what I wanted, but it hurt so bad to realize that even if I did want another child, I would never have that. My friends and family told me that adoption is always a choice or that I could freeze my eggs and get a surrogate. My sisters - my soulmates, offered to surrogate in the future if we did decide that we wanted more kids. How lucky am I to have that offered? I realize I am extremely blessed to have that kind of love and support in my life, however, I feel that I could not adopt or have a surrogate, I need the connection and experience of carrying a child.

Reality told me to quit crying- I already have two kids. Some people can never have any on their own. I know this is true, again I am very lucky. I feel a newfound sympathy for women who want children and can not have them. It was a strong internal battle to grieve and to quit feeling sorry for myself.

Not only was I grieving, but a new fear came over me; what if my husband decides that he wants more kids in a few years and he's stuck with me, a barren woman. What if he leaves me for someone else who can give him what he wants? What if he cheats on me and gets someone else pregnant? What if he stops finding me attractive because one of the things that makes me a woman is gone? Fear took over.
I cried and cried when telling my husband my fears. He hugged me and told me that he knew that he didn't want anymore kids and that  he knew it was not something that he would change his mind on. He also told me that I'm not going to be less of a woman and that I was dumb to think he'd cheat.

Everyday, including the day of the surgery, I asked him "Are you sure you don't want anymore kids?"
And everyday he said "Yes baby, I'm sure."

Support

My sisters and friend Jessica went all out with decorations, games, and planning for a uterus eviction party on Sunday, August 9. I had a blast! Everyone brought an appetizer, there was a bloody mary bar, an amazing cake, fun games, and they even surprised me with recovery gifts. My heart felt full realizing that I had an amazing support system. Thank you Stacey, Lisa, Jessica, Wendy, Heather, Lori, Angela, Deborah, Mom, & Jerri for being there for me and showering me with love and support. This party lifted my spirits extremely and made me feel okay for the first time about my fate. 

Surgery Day

August 10, the day of the surgery came. My husband held my hand while we waited and was very comforting telling me that it was going to be okay. When I got into a room, I got rushed to get ready - my surgery had been moved up. I had someone asking me questions while someone started me an IV. I also had a guy trying to draw blood from my IV, but he could not get enough so he had to draw blood from my other arm. I had stockings up and some massaging leg wraps put on. My hair was put into a blue cap, then my Dr came in and asked if I had any questions. After that the OR nurse asked me questions then put a relaxer into my IV. It kicked in instantly. They wheeled me to OR and the nurse asked Blake if he wanted to say goodbye. Blake said no, I'll see her soon. The last thing I remember it being put on the OR table and asking if I needed to move over some, then they told me they were putting medicine in my IV to put me to sleep. I awoke in recovery and had 3 doses of pain meds put into my IV. Through the haze I heard a nurse saying that Blake was asking if I was okay. Finally I got wheeled into my room and got to see Blake! He said he was getting nervous because I got taken back around 12:30 and it was 4:00 and that he had seen people who got into the waiting room after him, leave before him. He kept asking if I needed anything and if I was okay. My first drink was ice water and apple juice. I kept sleeping off and on and woke up feeling nauseated and in pain. The nurse put phenagren into my IV and gave me crackers to eat so that I could take a double dose of vicodin. I passed out of course. My mouth was so dry that the crackers kept getting stuck in it. The nurse said that I could go home that night if I could pee 100CC. After drinking a lot of water and apple juice, I felt like I could get some pee out, so I hobbled to the bathroom, where Blake made me keep the door open in case something happened. I sat there for what felt like an eternity and I could not pee. Disappointed, I got back into bed. I felt bad because I knew that Blake was hungry but he wouldn't leave my side. The nurse brought me some cranberry juice and after drinking that, I was finally about to pee, just enough. We left the hospital at 8 and picked up niko niko's gyros to go. My first meal in over 18 hours! I ate and slept off and on on the car ride home. 

Recovery

The first night, I woke up every 2-3 hours having to pee and hurting. The second night, I woke up once. The third night, once.

I can not begin to give enough credit to my husband. He took off of work for every Dr appointment and held my hand through everything. He reassured me countless times that he will still love me without my uterus and that we will be okay without anymore kids. He told me many times that he would be right by my side. Throughout my recovery he has been beyond amazing. He has woken up with me and brought me to the bathroom every 2 hours in the middle of the night. He has helped me get in and out of bed and in and out of the recliner. He has dressed me and washed my body for me. He has cooked every meal for me and made my coffee every morning. He has prefixed me breakfast and lunch everyday. He has been everything I have needed him to be during my recovery. I feel love and cherished. I feel like things will be okay.

I am on my 4th day of recovery and things are slowly getting better. I have not had to worry once about my kids because they are staying with my older sister this week. I am so thankful for all of the support and love that I have received during this time.

 Oh, and today just so happens to be my 12 year dating anniversary with Blake. <3

Latch

Thank God it's Friday. It's been so hard to wake up in the mornings here lately. The weekends are what keep me going.. haha! I can't wait to sleep in on Saturday and Sunday, even though usually my husband wakes me up on "accident" because his body is crazy and wakes up early. Last weekend he woke me up simply because he was bored. He's lucky to still be alive is all I am going to say about that. You do not wake the dragon.

In case anyone is wondering; I am happy to report that I am feeling much better today as far as the debbie downer mood goes. I feel more hopeful, more like myself. However, I am on day 20 of my period and today it's picking up. I called my Dr on Wednesday to find out if my feelings of despair and prolonged period were a normal thing for noobs on birth control. Turns out, it's not okay for either to be happening. I was advised to stop my current pill, which I happily agreed to do, and go in for an appointment on Monday. Hopefully I get some answers and relief. Being a woman sucks sometimes. Men are just living the dream, childbirth, blood and hormonal free. Douchebags.

Today marks day 12 of Whole 30. I feel like my taste buds are definitely changing and that I am enjoying whole foods much more than before. I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss homemade brownies, blueberry muffins, and lemon poppy seed muffins. That's what I really would like in my life right now. Before I started Whole 30, I bought Brittany Angell's cookbook - Every Last Crumb. There are so many baking recipes that I want to try, so I am patiently waiting until the Whole 30 is over so that I can try some. My outlook so far is that I think the program is great for resetting your mind and body, but for some of us who enjoy baking, much too restrictive. I saw a recipe for sugar free grainless brownies and thought - oh I can have those on Whole 30 - then realized that I couldn't, as the rules are clear on no baking. Le sigh.

Tuesday night I made some delicious salmon cakes, homemade tartar, and homemade mayo! I was so excited because I have failed on two previous attempts at making mayo. The salmon cakes were delicious!! I will post the recipes below for the salmon cakes and 30 second mayo.

Last night I made Chiptole style salad bowls - pork shoulder that I had let cook in the crockpot all day with an array of spices, over romaine lettuce, tomatoes, onions, cilantro, and fresh guacamole. It was really good, but I did miss cilantro lime rice. There was a recipe for cauliflower rice that I had originally planned to try, but I didn't have cauliflower and on my last two attempts at that kind of "rice", everyone hated it. LOL. We will see if the third time is a charm or not at some point in this Whole 30.

Here are the above stated recipes;
http://theclothesmakethegirl.com/2014/11/10/oven-fried-salmon-cakes/

http://theviewfromgreatisland.com/2013/06/minimal-monday-30-second-mayonnaise.html

~ RGB

Debbie Downer

The weather has sucked ass the last few days. It's been dreary, cold, and wet. I'm trying not to let that effect my mood, but I think that it is. I need a good load of vitamin D.

That being said, I may be suffering a bout of the blues. I am 85% sure that the cause may be my new birth control - Her Quartette. I've never been on hormonal birth control until now and I am almost two months deep into this pack and I feel that it may be affecting my moods.
        I feel extremely irritable, vulnerable, inadequate, and just plain down. My face is broken out with a quite a few painful pimples - my husband assures me that I am beautiful still, which is cool since I've irrationally convinced myself that he no longer wants me. Also - did I mention that I am on day 18 of my period? Because yeah, I am. I know that I can not be alone in being the only woman to suffer from mood swings due to birth control. OR, is it my period and just my hormones overall being off balance currently?
          I've been doing a lot of research on birth control and have read that it is very common for women to feel emotional/sad, depending on how their body reacts/adjusts to the hormone levels. Some take time to level out. I'm not really sure how long I will allow myself to feel crazy over the sake of birth control. Hopefully this slump passes quickly or I'll be calling my Dr to switch birth controls. Crazy that a little pill can make you feel so much, eh?

At first I assumed that my blues were contributed from the lack of all forms of sugar - honey, palm sugar, maple syrup, etc, but I am now on day 10 of my whole30 and should be past the withdrawal part. I do however wish that I could make a pan of chocolate brownies. They'd make me feel better for sure. Which is a reason why I decided to do whole30 - my mental connection to food. Will brownies honest to God make me feel better? No, but my mental connection to food makes me think they will.

My life is a black abyss currently. My sinus drainage has been on a terrorist level as of this past Friday, causing a cough and me choking often. I finally gave in today and bought some allergy & sinus decongestant medicine. Allegedly it's non drowsy, we shall see. The good news is - my sinus surgery that I had in November seems to have worked, as usually my nose is completely congested, it's not at all - Just draining freely like a waterfall down my throat. *face palm*

So, now that I've semi bared my heart on the internet, and expressed things that are difficult to talk about - have any of you guys had issues with birth control?

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” 
~ Albus Dumbledore

Seafood Chowder

My family and I are on Day 9 of Whole 30. The rules are hard and simple - no grains, sugar, dairy / baked goods for 30 days. Just whole foods. We binged like fools over the holidays so we felt we needed to reset our bodies and get our sugar monsters in check.

Did I think in a thousand years that my husband or son could go this long without all of the above? Hell no. My daughter threw in the towel quickly. She eats what I pack her for lunch and what we do at home, but when she is at grandmas, she eats the junk. Her resolve sucks, haha!

Last night I made this extremely delicious clean seafood chowder.  Everyone in my family gobbled it up like they've never eaten before. Tristen is one of the pickiest eater's that I've ever seen and even he ate this meal happily.

FYI: I did not use heavy cream - instead I used coconut cream out of a coconut milk can. I also did not use oysters, Blake despises them, and added cut up red potatoes. I topped our bowls with green onions and fresh made crumbled bacon. It will be our leftovers tonight - that's how amazing it is.

Believe me when I say that my family and I hate pureed cauliflower. I've made it 10 different ways as a cauli mash, but we just do not like it. So, I was very unsure about using that in this chowder. You can NOT,  I repeat, can NOT taste it. Side note: I seasoned mine very well. It's got a little kick to it.

Furthermore, I once made a soup with coconut milk and it was awful. All we tasted was the sweet coconut milk. I swore to myself that I would never use that in a soup again. Well, I am doing whole 30 so heavy cream isn't an option. The recipe calls for 1 can of coconut milk if you don't do dairy. I almost did not make this chowder for that reason. However, I decided to give it ONE more chance. Instead of using an entire can of coconut milk, I worried the coconut water part would give it a sweeter flavor, I scooped out only the coconut cream and used that. Again, let me state that you can NOT, can NOT taste the coconut cream. Blake despises coconut and was clueless. He asked me not to tell him what was in it. LOL!

I highly recommend you making this meal if you are looking for something different and soul warming. You can find the recipe here: https://www.facebook.com/CaveMommasQuest/photos/pb.465557710133058.-2207520000.1421169740./573403896015105/?type=3&theater

~RGB

My return.

My sister's have been pushing me to fire back up the old blog, so here I am. It's been two years since my last post - jeeze, that's embarrassing. I've been to Disneyworld, Yellowstone, Chicago, and then some and back since my last post. It only took me 28 years to see the our country. No big deal.

We visited Universal Orlando and Disneyworld in December before Christmas and had a great time.
        Universal was amazing, but with a lot of scary rides - specifically Harry Potter and the forbidden journey. We waited in line for 45 minutes for this 3D ride. Now - I've ridden many 3D rides before, so I was not thinking it was going to be bad at all. 3D rides are fun to me. This 3D ride - not so much. I should've known that things were going to get critical with all of the warning signs, but I just assumed that Universal was being overzealous. We got to get on this ride and it latches over our chests, while we are on a track. Suddenly, the track under our feet disappears and  our feet are dangling, chair is moving forward and backward and we are in the air. It was one of the scariest rides I've done in years. I'm basically scarred. Needless to say, we were a lot more cautious of 3D rides before we rode them at Universal.
      I found it pretty interesting to see how much my kids have changed since our last visit to Disney two years ago. Bonnie was a fearless rider, riding every ride with her dad. While Tristen, was much like me, cautious and nervous about any ride and unwilling to ride something crazy.  This year, it was the complete opposite. Even rides that I wanted to ride, Bonnie was hesitant about. Tristen? He rode everything fearlessly. We rode every roller coaster except for Expedition Everest, which I plan to ride when we go back. We took zero regard to our diets and ate whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. And let me tell you, Disney has superb food. One of my favorite meals was a quick service lunch at Be Our Guest - Disney's newest restaurant for Beauty & The Beast. The atmosphere was amazing and the food was great. I had a roast beef sandwich, fries, and an eclair stuffed with orange cream. The stuff dreams are made of. All in all, it was a great trip where we made wonderful memories.
    The only bad thing that I have to report was that a bag got taken from our room. We didn't realize it until the night before we were leaving, as we were loading up. The bag had various items that we had purchased at Disney and my Canon Powershot camera with all of my memory cards from the past 4 years in it. It was extremely upsetting to lose such an invaluable item, as well as expensive. We filed a report with the hotel manager, Disney claims department, and police. Turns out, there is no point what so ever in filing a report with Disney hotel or claims, because they will tell you that they will "investigate", but they will not do a thing. 3 weeks after we left, the claims department contacted me to tell me that it was a criminal matter and needed to be handed over to the police. It felt extremely reassuring to me that "they handled the situation seriously." So, needless to say, we will never stay at the Disney All Stars Sports resort again. I would love to say that we will never visit Disney again because of the case of my stolen bag and the way that they handled things, but that would be a lie. It's Disney. However, it taught me a great deal on how I will handle my future hotel visits.
  In conclusion, is the happiest place on earth still the happiest place to me? Yes, however, the hotels and management there? Not so much.

~ RGB

Day 19

Day 19 of 21DSD

Starting my day out right with an AMAZING cup of coffee. I swear, I gulped down this entire cup of coffee like it was sweetened by the nectar of the Gods. Alas - the only thing in this coffee was grassfed, unsalted butter & coconut oil. This organic sumatra coffee was fantastic!

Afterwards, I made a fabulous breakfast - Chorizo & eggs and home-made coconut tortillas. My first time to ever make tortillas!!! It was a lot easier than what I had assumed. My kids absolutely LOVED this meal. They loved it so much, that I packed them these "tacos" for lunch. After I dropped off the kids I got to taste these babies & OH EM GEE. I could eat these all day. Suuuuuriously.
I got the tortilla recipe from the Paleo Comfort Foods cookbook. It was super easy - check that book out if you haven't already.

Know what is in the food you eat - ALWAYS check the ingredients. Food ingredients should be simple & understandable.

For lunch, I wasn't too hungry, so I made a smoothie. It was deliciously comforting.

Some of you have asked how I made today's meals, well - here ya go:
Bfast: Cook chorizo in a pan. After this is cooked, add in your eggs. Stirring occasionally.
Coconut tortillas - 1/4 cup coconut flour, 8 large egg white, 1 tsp baking soda, 1 cup water. Whisk together until there are no lumps. Place coconut oil in a pan on medium heat and put about 3tbsp at a time of your mixture. Flip once the bottom side is light brown.
Smoothie: Blend a handful & a half spinach with one green apple & 1 cup of coconut milk. BAM!

Day 19 Meals:

1. Coffee w/butter & oil

2. Chorizo egg tacos

3. Green smoothie

4. Water

5. Grilled chicken salad

Day 19 Supplememts: 

1. Cod liver oil

2. Fish oil

3. CLA

4. Yellow dock

~ Until next time,

Ruby